Book I Know Who You Are
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If y'all are, or call up you lot are in a relationship with one, then I highly recommend bingeing her YouTube videos, and reading her other book Should I Stay or Should I Go?
Me? I went!
If you've had the unfortunate misfortune of always meeting, or marrying a narcissist, and then this lady is the ane to bank check out.If yous are, or think you are in a relationship with one, then I highly recommend bingeing her YouTube videos, and reading her other book Should I Stay or Should I Go?
Me? I went!
...more
I decided to selection up this book because I follow the author on YouTube and I detect her work really interesting and useful. This book was also interesting in some measure, however I found information technology style too long and verbose for its own sake, and while reading information technology I kept skipping whole paragraphs of concepts which could have easily be said with ane tertiary of the words. I suggest that whoe
"Narcissists are ofttimes deeply jealous, largely considering they are insecure, hypersensitive, and, sometimes, virtually paranoid."
I decided to pick up this volume considering I follow the author on YouTube and I find her work really interesting and useful. This volume was also interesting in some measure, nevertheless I found it manner too long and verbose for its own sake, and while reading information technology I kept skipping whole paragraphs of concepts which could have hands be said with ane third of the words. I suggest that whoever is interested in the topic, either because of personal experience or curiosity, either watch the dr.'south aqueduct or only read the parts of the book in which they are specifically interested (eg. if the narcissist in your life is a parent, read the chapter about parents etc.), otherwise information technology becomes very repetitive and the concepts become diluted. Still, information technology is very important to raise awarness on narcissism and narcisistic abuse, and I am grateful to dr. Durvasula for doing and then.
...moreAne of the nearly painful lessons Dr Ramani teaches us is that information technology'due south highly unlikely narcissists and other people with loftier-conflict personalities will ever change. It's heartbreaking. But it's too a wake-upward call: cease investing all your free energy in people who won't requite yous anything in return. Life isn't a Disney movie, your efforts will not be rewarded and y'all volition just end up emotionally (and physically) tuckered. I promise that I will now be able to run into the ruddy flags for what they are and end giving people a million chances. ...more
Information technology would be a small-scale matter to say this is and will exist i of the few books that has impacted me for life. Zip was ever more validating than reading this book. She breaks downward narcissism and the traits that are indicative of information technology, how to recognize it, and how to heal yourself from it or at the to the lowest degree n
"The ultimate goal is to recognize that there is divinity within each of us, and there is besides a vulnerable child. Y'all may be total of self loathing but protect that child and unleash that divinity."It would exist a small thing to say this is and will exist one of the few books that has impacted me for life. Cipher was e'er more validating than reading this book. She breaks down narcissism and the traits that are indicative of information technology, how to recognize it, and how to heal yourself from it or at the least not let it poison y'all forever. Highly recommend to read this, very relevant to our current civilization and society.
...moreFinal year I was listening to a podcast called "Sexual Disorientation" by a psychologist Dr. Ramani and a porn star Silvia. It was a very interesting podcast, mainly discussing modern relationships and how technology influences it. Then I found out that Dr. Ramani specializes in narcissism. I got her book last year but didn't start reading it until finish of this year. I've read a book on narcissism in the past and information technology was a scary experience. I had a lot of "aha" moments while reading that book,
3.5*Last year I was listening to a podcast chosen "Sexual Disorientation" by a psychologist Dr. Ramani and a porn star Silvia. It was a very interesting podcast, mainly discussing mod relationships and how technology influences it. Then I establish out that Dr. Ramani specializes in narcissism. I got her book final yr but didn't start reading information technology until end of this twelvemonth. I've read a book on narcissism in the past and information technology was a scary experience. I had a lot of "aha" moments while reading that book, it was scary.
It'due south actually non a very big book and I will keep it in my kindle for future reference because at that place's a lot of information. Dr. Ramani offset presents the different theories on the origins of narcissism. Unfortunately, this is the part of the volume that I found confusing. I wish she had presented this cloth meliorate (connecting the dots because I felt very lost). Nevertheless, in the master part of the volume, Dr. Ramani describes unlike types of toxic people; toxic parents, toxic spouses (and how to co-parent with them), toxic bosses and work colleagues, toxic siblings, toxic friends. You tin can tell Dr. Ramani has a lot of cloth and experience dealing with the victims of narcissists and the narcissists too. The parts where she wrote well-nigh the "emergency room fantasy, "the "quest for justice" and the loss of one's identity when one spends too much fourth dimension with a narcissist rang too true for me.
"Egotistic people rarely take responsibleness for their misdeeds, the messes they make, and the hurts they cause. This is unsettling because, in some ways, fifty-fifty when people brand errors, others can offer some forgiveness if the perpetrator is willing to ain up and take responsibility, and that tin be enough healing to foster moving forward. Simply the unwillingness of a person to have responsibility speaks to a lack of sensation that can feel nearly dehumanizing."
"Many people (especially those with narcissistic or toxic parents) become masterful at being chameleons, chronically taking the temperature of the room and all-around themselves to the bad behavior around them, providing more than narcissistic supply, validating everyone, and caregiving because they have been doing that since childhood."
She provides several recommendations on how to deal with narcissists. These mainly include altitude, grey-stone behavior and reducing contact with them if you cannot cut them off completely. Narcissists are emotional vampires who need validation from other people in order to experience good virtually themselves. Because at the core, narcissists are actually very insecure people. They don't dear themselves. That's why they are grandiose and entitled and need other people to validate them in social club to compensate for their lack of cocky-love. Moreover, our current economic system actually claim narcissistic personality patterns. Capitalism is built on insecurity. Corporations want their customers to buy and buy and buy in the same way that egotistic people need egotistic supply (validation) from other people in order to feel good about themselves. If we truly felt content with ourselves, we wouldn't fall for the advertisements and tricks played by the big companies.
"Letting go doesn't mean you have to comprehend the person, option up where you left off, or let him or her off the hook; it is actually the equivalent of taking a heavy load off your back and lying it down – of not conveying the burden of another person's bad behavior."
"If you no longer have to deal with them, then you have won. If yous have found a way to proceed your altitude, and then you have won. If you do not have to listen to their verbal corruption and invalidation, then you have won. If you go along obsessing near whether or not they get "punished," then yous are nonetheless wasting mental energy on them. In about cases, by the fourth dimension the bad things happened to them, you will have moved on, feeling nothing other than perhaps pity."
"In fact, the best narcissist repellent out at that place may not exist yelling o screaming or revenge but merely indifference."
This is definitely a book that introduces narcissism well. Some readers may be bothered that several left-leaning political views are expressed quite openly (Latinx, Trump bashing). That was annoying. Also, I merely wish Dr. Ramani could see that Meghan Markle is also a quintessential narcissist (in her podcast, Dr. Ramani defended Meghan when it is pretty articulate now that Meghan's plan from the very start was to marry a prince and make information technology large in Hollywood. Prince Harry is of class not innocent too).
"Narcissism appears realistically to represent the best manner of coping with the tensions and anxieties of modern life, and the prevailing social weather condition therefore tend to bring out narcissist traits that are present, in varying degrees, in anybody. These conditions have besides transformed the family, which in plow shapes the underlying structure of personality. A society that fears it has no hereafter, is non probable to give much attending to the needs of the next generation…" – Christopher Lasch
"Fright and love do not vest in the aforementioned sentence…always call back that."
...moreOtherwise, her explanation of narcissism makes sense and I also appreciate that she makes information technology clear that information technology is not the duty or responsibility of the other person to soothe a narcissist'southward insecurity or heal their hurting. She besides outlines how a narcissist will jerk your concatenation and become you tangled up in guilt and "shoulds." It made me realize that boundaries are healthy, and trying to fill up in the pigsty in someone else is a bottomless practise - my responsibility is taking care of my own dents and holes and psychological repair.
...moreI'm reading this book considering I desire to be meliorate equipped to deal with people who have mental bug.
*Post-Reading Summary*
Summed up in three sentences or less, the wisdom of this volume is this: If you have figured out a way to non be effectually a narcissist anymore and yous take peace, you have won and that's the all-time y'all can do - actually the only affair yous can control is how much exposure you accept to them. 1 of the biggest things she mentions that is the most helpful is that
I'm reading this book considering I want to exist better equipped to deal with people who have mental issues.
*Post-Reading Summary*
Summed upwards in three sentences or less, the wisdom of this volume is this: If you accept figured out a way to non be effectually a narcissist anymore and you have peace, yous have won and that's the best you tin do - really the only thing you can command is how much exposure y'all have to them. One of the biggest things she mentions that is the almost helpful is that crafting thoughtful communications to a narcissist is a waste material of time - make yourself every bit interesting every bit a grayness stone and proceed your answers as simple as possible. Lastly, treat toxic as an other highly contagious person.
Doctor Ramani is the leader of a true north for our gild, for strong desire to amend as sane, cultured, empathic and transcendent humans. She herself has walked the path of total recovery from the Narcissits legacy of mental turmoil.
I myself confess this book is showing me in every possible way how to walk through life with her example and guidance.
No other person, situation or mentor has been able Words fall very short for a proper description of this creation and compilation of knowledge.
Doctor Ramani is the leader of a true north for our club, for strong desire to meliorate as sane, cultured, empathic and transcendent humans. She herself has walked the path of full recovery from the Narcissits legacy of mental turmoil.
I myself confess this book is showing me in every possible way how to walk through life with her example and guidance.
No other person, situation or mentor has been able to relieve my sanity as Dr Ramani has done.
Thank you, sincerely your admirer S.North.
...moreThis book is a very refreshing and straight book on understanding toxic and egotistic beliefs and people. And in today's world this volume is something that can make millions of people's lives better. Because the world needs more people like this author
I absolutely love this bookThis volume is a very refreshing and direct volume on understanding toxic and narcissistic behavior and people. And in today'southward world this volume is something that can brand millions of people'due south lives better. Considering the globe needs more people similar this author
...moreThe title does seem to catch the people who don't read beyond the cover off guard though. Some people tend to gauge apace with minimal information when they see "don't you know who I am?" In bold on the comprehend.
A great book on narcissism in an era of people who thinks the globe revolves around them.The title does seem to catch the people who don't read beyond the comprehend off guard though. Some people tend to guess apace with minimal information when they encounter "don't y'all know who I am?" In bold on the encompass.
...moreIf there is a candidate for 1 key pop reference book on narcissism, this book is probably information technology. I have yet to detect a competitor.
But if you observe yourself in a relationship with a narcissist and unsure what to do - Should I Stay is really the best for that.
...more thanThe reason I have taken an interest in this term is that subsequently the aforementioned kind of experiences everyone has with these people, I simply wish to have an understanding of warning signs. I don't want to arrive a relationship for example that would be this dysfunctional, and want to be prepared for potential workplace problems.
One of the best parts fo
This is a "difficult" subject. But the book is written in a very friendly everyday manner, while not shying away from the field of study affair and its results.The reason I have taken an interest in this term is that after the same kind of experiences everyone has with these people, I simply wish to have an agreement of warning signs. I don't desire to get in a relationship for example that would be this dysfunctional, and desire to be prepared for potential workplace bug.
One of the best parts for me is the chapter on the 5 different kinds of narcissists. I know someone who clearly has some of these symptoms just is not really 'that bad', so when I recognised his behaviours in a youtube video or something I'thou left scratching my head. 'The beneficial narcissist' could explain this and other such people I run into. Another one I institute interesting is the covert narcissist, which is one I believe I have come into contact with. It is interesting to consider that they really do believe they are being attacked!
The book is split into parts, the first is a set up of thirty traits of the narcissist, things like arrogance, gaslighting, covetousness. With the add-on after this chapter of the five types of narcissist. So the particulars of dealing with them in a different setting. I.east. Work colleague, sibling, friend etc. This part is written from the standpoint of wordly wisdom. So as well as narcissism per sey, it is also comments such as 'we cannot choose our siblings and may non take chosen to spend fourth dimension with them if we had non been built-in in the same family' and 'sometimes friends grow apart'. Information technology does rather feel like a labour of love in this way. At that place is quite a lot of communication in nigh chapters (I imagine Dr. Ramani'southward children are not starved for advice!), which ranges from extraordinarily deep "the unstable foundation laid past the egotistic parent" to the more simplistic "maintain boundaries... monitor social media" and in the areas that I am already familiar with in relation to this (i.east. the workplace) it is in my understanding correct advice.
The last office is an obligatory 'what must be done about this state of affairs'. Dealing with problems like the want for vengeance and self help pointers such as depression and meaning. In the volume somewhere as well is a reference to narcissism on the world stage. Things like net trolls. Not quite as interesting that chapter.
The thickest and to the lowest degree formulaic part of the book is the thirty traits at the kickoff and to me it is very useful considering it highlights the personality from many different angles and allows u.s. to reflect on our bullheaded spots when it comes to noticing others. For instance, I notice many of these signs early on but for some reason have a blind spot in 'arrogance'. Since reading this though I have learned to spot arrogance and when I see it at present, I know conflict is going to beginning shortly afterwards someone makes an outrightly arrogant statement (the volume didn't say that that is my ascertainment!). In honesty, the emotional fluency of this book means that its insights can probably serve someone even exterior narcissistic entanglements.
To repeat my main points then it is a well written volume that brings an air of professional rigour to an unpleasant, and to me at least mysterious, subject. To be articulate information technology is written very strongly from a personal rather than bookish standpoint or at least, the academic side is not emphasized. Fifty-fifty though studies are mentioned it is not a book on the Study of narcissism simply the lived experience of having been entangled with one.
...moreThe book begins past unpacking the characteristics of a toxic individual and gradually builds upwards to different types of nar
Dr. Ramani is one of my favourite experts on narcissism and did a keen chore covering every aspect of this topic, including the diverse social axes that contribute to the normalization of toxic behaviour in our gild. I think the master reason I admire her approach is her straightforward, brutally honest perhaps stoic perspective towards narcissists and on how to deal with them.The book begins by unpacking the characteristics of a toxic individual and gradually builds upwardly to different types of narcissists, different relationships with a narcissist, the mode and the extent to which information technology may impact y'all as well as tips on how to deal/cope if you're stuck due to circumstances.
Dr. Ramani aims to illustrate the large flick and help you accept a better agreement of why narcissism is on its path to destruction. Highly recommended!!
...moreI take been a fan of Dr. Ramani S. Durvasula's work for quite some time. She actually has a Youtube channel dedicated to educating people about narcissistic abuse and then I was really excited when I heard about this book. This right here is an AMAZING resource for knowing what narcissistic abuse
Coming from a narcissistic family of origin, this book was really healing and helped me make sense of why I am the manner I am in my electric current adult life. Really a saving grace for survivors of narcissistic abuse.I take been a fan of Dr. Ramani S. Durvasula's work for quite some fourth dimension. She really has a Youtube channel dedicated to educating people about egotistic corruption and then I was really excited when I heard well-nigh this book. This right here is an AMAZING resource for knowing what narcissistic abuse actually is. Calling people out on being egotistic is a term that is thrown around loosely these days. However Dr. Durvasula does a great job of defining information technology in its truest course. She describes how an individual develops toxic levels of narcissism and Narcissistic Personality Disorder, introduces many subtypes of narcissism (some that I take never even heard of !), illustrates how narcissists cull their victims to perpetuate their abusive patterns, and so on. She explains each of her concepts clearly while giving real life scenarios almost how that particular instance may play out. Not going to lie, some of them were spot on to the point that I had to put the volume down because it was triggering. Prospective readers should exist prepared for that possibility specially if y'all come from a household with this dynamic.
Aside from that, I loved every minute of reading this volume! Bonus points for the realistic and non-judgmental solutions that people tin put into immediate exercise. Highly recommend!
...moreI similar the meditations of the Stoics similar Marcus Aurelius then if nothing gained from this book, I like that the writer recognizes Stoic Philosophy. It's directly related to understanding the subconscious mind.
How to stay sane in a narcissistic globe. Some celebrities, he says expect people to automatically recognize them. DYKWIA.
A Daniel J. Boorstin's quote: Equally individuals and as a
You take power over your ain mind -not exterior events. Realize this and yous volition find strength. -Marcus Aurelius.I like the meditations of the Stoics like Marcus Aurelius so if nada gained from this book, I similar that the writer recognizes Stoic Philosophy. It'south direct related to agreement the hidden mind.
How to stay sane in a narcissistic globe. Some celebrities, he says expect people to automatically recognize them. DYKWIA.
A Daniel J. Boorstin's quote: Equally individuals and equally a nation, nosotros now suffer from social narcissism. The beloved Repeat of our ancestors, the virgin America, has been abased. Nosotros accept fallen in love with our own paradigm, with images of our making, which turn out to be images of ourselves.
Daniel J. Boorstin (1914 - 2004) was a human alee of his time and funny also.
Time makes heroes only dissolves celebrities. Daniel J. Boorstin
Engineering science is so much fun but we can drown in our technology. The fog of data can drive out knowledge. Daniel J. Boorstin
We suffer primarily not from our vices or our weaknesses, but from our illusions. We are haunted, not past reality, but by those images nosotros have put in their place. Daniel J. Boorstin
I
...moreOut of all the clinical and pop psychology books on narcissism out there, I highly recommend this one above all others. One of the most fascinating chapters was her take on societal narcissism equally I accept been thinking about this quite a bit in the past four to five years, probably more and then since I started working with egotistic abuse survivors in my own individual practice since 2019.
...more thanEven if you're not in an unhealthy relationship, you volition benefit from reading this book because it volition help you to sympathize toxic leadership and nauseating celebrity worship in our over-privileged lodge. Several readers, myself included, have shared highlights if you would like a snapshot of the immensely valuable content of this book. Strongly recommend for every adult, especially in the U.South.
...more thanThis volume and therapy has helped me go a healthier person. It helped me identify who effectually me is still a problem and why and suggest how to bargain with that.
I encountered Dr Ramani Durva
I wish I had read this when I was young (even though it wasn't written!), had learnt to place the cherry-red flags to prove me toxic people and how to deal with them. And the author talks about how to survive and grow from getting away from the poison of narcissists which means yous tin can work on improving your life.This book and therapy has helped me become a healthier person. Information technology helped me place who around me is still a problem and why and suggest how to deal with that.
I encountered Dr Ramani Durvasula on a podcast and was fascinated and wanted to know more than, then I plant more than podcasts and finally I accept read this book.
Fifty-fifty if you don't call up you know whatsoever narcissists or toxic people in your friends or family, I bet you do know some. Our social media, boardrooms and parliaments are filled with them. I used to wonder with these people "Don't you care?" And the real answer was "No, simply I will pretend I practice if it gets me something I want"
Highly recommended.
...moreI as well listened to the audiobook and actually liked the way she read it. And I am 1 to tend to become annoyed by narrators' voices!
The simply thing I liked less was the American camber from which she was writing, for example about the legal system there etc, it was less relevant to me but this was only a mild inconvenience. ...more
A bully number of topics in the book seemed triggering but the acceptance of this knowledge is power. The calorie-free thrown on feelings of self-doubt, what'south incorrect with me VS what'southward incorrect with them, rumination, credence and what now while dealing with difficult people was profound. Genuinely appreatiate Dr. Ramani Durvasula and her team's try to educate people on narcissism and it's domino upshot all over
A must read for anyone having to bargain with toxic entitled people in their day to solar day life.A keen number of topics in the book seemed triggering but the acceptance of this noesis is power. The light thrown on feelings of self-doubt, what's incorrect with me VS what's wrong with them, rumination, acceptance and what now while dealing with hard people was profound. Genuinely appreatiate Dr. Ramani Durvasula and her team's attempt to brainwash people on narcissism and information technology's domino effect all over the world today. Thank you lot for being a lighthouse in the midst of Narcissistic darkness.
Scratch that...
A must read for anybody - especially today, when respecting boundaries - literal and figurative - does not bode well with nations and individuals akin.
Note: Apart from her other books for anyone looking for more than resources on this topic please check out Dr Ramani'southward YouTube channel.
...moreShe is the author of the modern relationship survival manual Should I Stay or Should I Go: Surviving a Relationship With a Narcissist (Post Colina Press) She is also the author of You Are WHY Y'all Eat: Change Your Food Mental attitude, Change Your Life, too as the writer of numerous peer reviewed journal articles, book capacity and conference papers. In September 2019, her overview book on narcissism in our world, our hearts, homes, and workplaces entitled DON'T You lot KNOW WHO I AM? How to Stay Sane in an Era of Narcissism, Entitlement and Incivility volition exist released.
Dr. Ramani received her B.S. in Psychology from the University of Connecticut, and her MA and Ph.D. degrees in Clinical Psychology from UCLA.
She brings a wealth of expertise in relationships, sexuality, health and wellness. Dr. Ramani was the co-host of Oxygen's series My Shopping Habit, and has likewise been featured on serial on Bravo, the Lifetime Film Network, National Geographic, the History Aqueduct, Discovery Science, and Investigation Discovery too as in documentary films on health and narcissism. She has been a featured commentator on nearly every major tv set network, as well as radio, print, and cyberspace media.
Dr. Ramani is also involved in national governance in the field of psychology and has served every bit the chair of the Commission on Socioeconomic Status at the American Psychological Association and is presently chair of the Advisory Board of the Minority Fellowship Program of the American Psychological Clan.
Dr. Ramani recognizes that narcissism and technology have changed the landscape of love and relationships and provides not bad insights on how to survive in the new territory of love and delivery.
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